Wedding fever has taken over the world, as couples as far as Australia have decided to spread the new invention of 'Marriage' [mæ'redž]. Just yesterday, the British Royal couple demonstrated the first ever public performance of this remarkable find with great success, and incredible ease and smoothness - all due to careful development, research and training over many concentrated months.
Lord Reginald Winnifred Marriage, after whom the invention is named, first thought of combining a single sunny day out amongst family and friends, washed down with a number of varied potent beverages, with a lengthy period of time where people live together in what he called a 'Household' (after his great friend John A. House) in 1876. The idea went into oblivion amongst Lord Marriage's many other infamous theories, and was not unearthed until November 2010, when an old notebook was found in a London cellar by a man that had just become a father of his 5th child, and subsequently gone into hiding. The notebook received staggering attention from all sides of the national and international media, and it's theories were quickly published in Penguin paperback with an inviting pricetag of £6.99. The notebook became the most famous and hilarious jokebook of all times, surpassing similar precedents by well-known authors such as Hans von Lowerthetoiletseatpleasz and the Danish Andreas Itsagirl. It was not long, though, that a group of scientists noticed that Marriage's theories would become a perfect model for a family-based social unit - the finding of which had been in dire need even before the great Daddy-exctinction of 1922, which left the population in want of a better solution than chaining people to fridges to keep them home. So, in January 2011, the Marriage-laboratories were established under unscupulous secrecy in an unknown location, somewhere between the Swiss and French borders.
According to Lord Marriage's theories, the original intention was a union between 7 people, a number that was chosen for it's symbolic value as well as because it coincided with number of days in week - itself an new invention at the time, having come about in the famous Week-symposium in Geneva the year before in 1875 curated by the Week brothers, Alfred and William - but scientists quickly reduced it to 2 people due to lack of research funding and logistics (the van used for the transportation of the researchers' sandwiches didn't pass the annual vehicle security check, and so sandwiches had to be taken to the Marriage-laboratory by bicycle, thus greatly reducing the means of research)). Also, Marriage had sketched a series of complicated chains and magnets to be installed in the newlyweds house and shoes, so that the amount of 'Family-time' (named after Lord Marriages pet cockatiel Fam-fam) could be controlled electronically to ensure sufficient daily amounts. However, the pages with the drawings and graphs mysteriously vanished during the research process, and no one bothered to go and look for them.
As the Marriage-model quickly started to emerge, the scientist decided to put it to the test. The list of potential guinea-pigs was huge, as the knowledge of a Marriage-model being researched from the world famous jokebook quickly reached the general public, and there were large demonstrations and queues forming outside all bookshops and Penguin publishing houses. To appease the crowds, the British Royal couple decided to volunteer - and there was much rejoicing and hype.
The Royal couple spent 6 weeks in sterile isolation at the Marriage-labs under strict surveillance by the researchers. The most notable part of the training involved a spectral harmonic analysis of the phrase 'I Do' (thought to be a variation of the phrase 'I Don't' which is Lord Marriages secret script euphemism for 'Dentists appointment' - numerous examples of which have been found scribbeled all over the notebook), so that every minute detail would be perfectly balanced and intoned.
The crowds awaited all over the word to see the first example of 'Marriage'. And it proved to be such a great success, that the trend had spread as far as Australia on no less than the following day, becoming the most popular and widespread of all social models.
May you both have the happiest time of your lives! We'll raise a glass or five in your honour on this side of the planet!
Lot's of love,
Lauri xxx
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